Exactly 19 days from now, I will be celebrating my daughter’s 6th birthday. Six years. I can’t believe that she is with me for 6 years already. It seems like it was only yesterday when the only prayer I know is “God, give me a baby.”
After 2 years of being married with no contraception of whatever kind, I never had a baby. I told myself, it’s alright. My husband and I are still enjoying ourselves as a couple. On the 3rd year, I started to wonder. Our parents, relatives and friends are already asking. After 3 years of being married…no kid/s. We seek the help of my brother-in-law who is an OB-Gyne and specializes in artificial insemination and In vitro fertilization (IVF). First, both I and my husband did the regular routine. Check yourself!!! Determine who the culprit is. The day of the test arrives. It was the longest day of my life. My husband turned out to be healthy and got healthy sperms. Oh God! What if it’s me? What if I am barren? I cannot even conceive the thought that I was the culprit. Alas! It was not that worst. Yes, I got a problem. I have 2 fallopian tubes and a uterus BUT it seems that my eggs don’t know the meaning of fertilize!
My brother in-law gave us 2 years to try the Calendar method with his constant monitoring. Every month I will undergo ultrasound and also, he will tell us when is the right timing to mate. Oh, I forgot to mention, I am also taking a pill that will help me to produce more than 1 egg to have a better chance of fertilization. Every month that we are unsuccessful, my feeling is unbearable. Every month that I will have my period, I cry. My mother encourages me to opt for adoption. My husband was very supportive. There was no sign of frustration on his side. All I can see is hope. I am not fond of kids but hey, I want to have a child of my own.
I remember the last time I cried my heart out to God was December 27, 2004. It was the day after magnitude 9.3 earthquake struck off the Northwest coast of the Indonesian island of Sumatra. I was at the gym, when my period came. The moment I found out that we were unsuccessful again, I cried. I asked God, “Please Lord, just 1.” Oh yes, I was at the gym. Part of my getting me pregnant experiment is I need to slim down because I was overweight.
January 2005, God has a surprise for me!!! I am pregnant. Alas! The 2 years experiment paid off. Now our goal is to keep the baby in my uterus for at least 9 ½ months! After 2 months, I experience spotting. I was worried. My brother in-law said in his most comforting words, “That’s alright. At least we know you can get pregnant. If this becomes unsuccessful, you can try again.”
In my mind, “What!?! Try again? As easy as that. After all the frustrations the emotional torture and all he can say is I can try again!” My brother in-law and God must really have a sense of humor.
Thank God, I was able to keep the baby in my tummy for at least 8 months. Yes, I had a pre-mature birth. We were renovating our house to prepare for the coming of our baby. I insisted on sleeping in the house with all the fumes of the newly painted walls. So there it goes. The paint fumes triggered my pre-mature delivery. 4am of Aug 30, 2005 my water bag broke. My dream of smooth and painless delivery was vanished into thin air. I was rushed to the maternity emergency room of Philippine General Hospital. Trust me when I say, “You do not want to be rushed during that hour in the maternity emergency room!”
My husband called his brother who is our OB. While we were waiting at the labor room, the nurse was instructed to try to induce labor but it was immediately stopped after 5 minutes because I can’t really do a normal delivery because my baby’s umbilical cord is coiled in her neck.
My CS was scheduled at 12nn. It was the longest and painful 8 hrs of my life. Though my OB said it was not really labor pains that I am experiencing and it is nothing compared to the real labor pains, MY GOD, I do not want to experience the REAL labor pains. When the doctor arrived, my husband requested for 2 more hours to wait because the video cam has not yet arrived. “Are you kidding me? 2 more hours? I can kill him right there and then.”
The time comes when I was delivered to the operating room. Thank GOD!!! After I was injected with the anesthesia, that’s it!
I was half awake and half asleep. The next thing I know, the nurse was holding my baby and rushed her to the cleaning area. All the pains I’ve felt during the last 12 hours that day not to mention the emotional roller coaster I had for the past 2 years all vanished!
I have a baby. Her name is Marian Dae. The most precious gift God has given to me. I always know that God loves me but that was the only time I knew how much He loves me!!!
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